Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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