So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
