i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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