I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
