So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
