i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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