i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
