Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
