You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.