we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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