Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.