If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs