i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
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Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.