She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.