apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.