i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
