you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
