I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
