i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
