Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
