Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
