I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
