There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
