you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
