i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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