3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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