Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
