just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
