Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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