Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
