The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
