I heard we made out
Swine flu. Run for my life!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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