She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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