walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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