Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
