I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
