Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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