I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
too bad you live with your parents still
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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