Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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