I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
