Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
