I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
