So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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