no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
