My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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