real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
