Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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