So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
