i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
