so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
