Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
MIDGETS
????
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
