so explain again why im purple
no
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
