have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
