So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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