So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
