my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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