so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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