She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
