So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
