I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
