I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
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