So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
