All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
