would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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