I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
