exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
