My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
