i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
