Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
