dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
