im six kinds of drunk right now
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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