So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
