Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
