Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
